Friday, June 29, 2012

More Douche-Baggery...

Or why it's smart to have a smart-phone handy in today's traffically challenged world!!
WARNING: this is a total non-baseball rant.

So I leave work today on what has been a real scorcher of a day, headed home for the weekend when what to my wandering eyes should appear? Some freaking douche-bag that thinks he owns the road!!

Let me set the stage. If I am in my cage (that's spelled A U T O M O B I L E for all you non-bikers out there) I am normally stuck in the far right-hand lane of the road, with the cruise control set on the ole double nickle. I have experimented with my car (a 2007 Honda Civic sedan) and receive around 33-35 mpg when "keeping up" with traffic, sometimes arriving home some 4 to 8 minutes sooner than if I were to set the cruise as I normally do. Setting the cruise control on 55 mph nets me better than 43 mpg, which also allows me to drive to work for a full two weeks between fill-ups. Now, if I have to pass vehicles enroute, I will pick up the pace to get out of the left lane more quickly, but I am generally happy to let the world pass me by, and normally have very few people getting frustrated with me.

Now my route home (I-64 East from Hampton to Chesapeake, Virginia) is approximately 27 miles, but does cross the Elizabeth River via the Hampton Roads Bridge Tunnel. Just before the bridge, the road narrows from three lanes to two. Approaching the merge point, IE. sign stating "Right Lane ends 1/2 mile", I put my signal on, check the rear and side view mirrors, and only seeing a ford pickup in the center lane about 1/4 mile back, I merge left. Checking my rear view again, it is now filled with the grill of said Ford. Really dude, there is a whole other lane to your left which has nobody in it.

Nope, he's not having it, he's gonna teach me a lesson.

Sorry guy, unless you physically push me, you ain't changing the cruise setting in my car. He gets even closer! I reach up and flip the transmission lever into Neutral, immediately causing the car to deccelerate. Riding a motorcycle has taught me one thing, if they are going to hit you, hitting you at a slower speed is better, speeding up  only leaves you being tailgated at a faster pace. Upon reaching somewhere around 43 mph, he finally passes me. Now, I do give him the ole double-eagle salute as he goes by me. And as I also know what traffic at the bridge-tunnel is like, especially on a summer Friday afternoon, traffic comes to a grinding halt within another 1/4 mile. I see him flip his seat-belt off, yep, he wants to  come talk. Really dude?? Traffic starts moving again, so he decides against the chat session, for now. But, traffic does comes to a halt again on the bridge. By this time, I've pulled out the earlier mentioned smartphone, placing it on the dash-board and activating the camera feature. As I have been accosted in traffic before, I'm at least getting some information to be used in a courtroom later if need be.

This kids, is what a real Douche-Bag looks like.

This Douche-bag actually gets all the way up to my car before he realizes he is now on candid camera, then suddenly grows a set of chicken feathers which at least temporarily shrinks the size of the balls that he rides around with in his big ole pickem up.

Yeah dumb-ass, I didn't think so, get the fuck back in your truck and go the fuck home. And while you are at it, grow the FUCK up too!

Oh yeah, and I'm keeping you well in front of me so you don't pull anything else stupid out of your over-full bucket of testosterone either!! I've found that hotheads like him are rarely willing to drive slow enough for me to pass them. I'm not stupid enough to get out of my car for any reason, and my car is also small enough to get away from most bigger vehicles in traffic if they are behind me.

So, in closing, let this be a lesson in today's technologically advance society, and I pose a simple question if you don't agree. If you come up on someone that is driving slower than you are, in the right lane, and there is room to pass, PASS and get down the road. Don't be a douche-bag neanderthal and try to start arguments in traffic. Oh, and my simple question if you don't agree, What if I had had a gun instead of a camera?

and if you see this guy in traffic, tellem Dawg said hello!!

It amazes me how great cel-phone cameras have gotten. Makes criminal prosecution so much easier, doesn't it?

Have a GReat weekend,
Thanks for reading my rant.

For all you picture zoom happy people, look at the first photo, the outside temp is reading 95 on the water, the trip meter was at 429.6 miles when I put 10.1 gallons of gas in it (I was using the A/C today). And the temp gage topped out at 102 degrees in my driveway at home!! Be safe out there, and stay hydrated!


Spankee said...

Having driven that route more times than I'd like to think, especially in the last few months, I know exactly how you feel. Kudos for using the camera.

Jeff Wilk said...

A Punisher t-shirt and a perm. Quite the ladies man that dude is.

Crackin Wax said...

I wonder, had you not had your phone out, or if he had never noticed it... what exactly was his plan once he reached you? Yell at you through your window? Punch your door? Break your windshield? Obviously he didn't care that there were plenty of witnesses and was quite okay with creating a scene. Whatever his plan was likely was not terribly legal. Either that or he's camera shy.

Hackenbush said...

Tailgating is my biggest driving pet peeve. Since you know they're not really gonna get where they're going any faster it has to be about them being aggressive control freaks. My answer to tailgaters is usually to put on my hazard blinkers. Glad this jerk backed off. Nothing good was going to come of it.ptsnes

Stealing Home said...

well played, bro. a happy ending and dramatic posting material to boot !

"my run in with don sutton"